Thursday, January 31, 2013

Frustrations in Fostering

So, I have been a foster parent since December, 2007. I am open to emergency placements, short and long term placements, and pre-adoptive placements. I am open to any race, a multitude of health issues, and either gender. When I started out I was with a private agency that was licensed through DYFS; they facilitated placements for DYFS. I had 3 calls within my first 2 months of being a licensed foster parent. This agency was the go-to contact for a county placement facilitator who dealt with many children needing out-of-home (foster) placements. Unfortunately, my private agency changed their contract with DYFS and now only deals with training and licensing; no more placements. I was transferred to my county DYFS office.

In the four years since then, I have only had 9 calls for placements. Yes, you read that correctly- NINE calls. And 3 placements. That is less than 1 placement a year. The state paid to train and license me as a foster parent and pays each year to re-license me and they have only called me 9 times in 4 years. I have only said no to 2 of the calls (a 13 years old and a 7 year old with a history of sexual abuse). I have had 3 placements (a 10 month old, a 2 year old, and a 2 and 3.5 year old). The rest of the children I was called about were placed with relatives after I said yes to the placement facilitator. I guess they line up resource homes in case they can't find relatives to take the kids. Both my resource worker (the person from DYFS who manages foster parents) and my county's placement facilitator have told me I am a good home and provide excellent care (I really do!), so I don't think my lack of placements is due to any blacklisting.

I am soooooo frustrated with fostering lately! Here are some of my frustrations:

- My darn resource worker will NOT call me back and refuses to update my home study. I have been asking since May to have my home study updated and sent to Adoption Operations (the state adoption unit) in Trenton. My resource worker won't do it. I don't understand why she won't do it. She has told me 3 times, "I will come out at the end of the week to see you so I can update it". She doesn't come! This has been going on for 8 months now. I should call and complain, but she is very nice and I don't want to get her in any trouble.  I am frustrated...

-I got a call in June for a 3 year girl who needed a pre-adoptive placement. I said yes! I was so excited. I heard nothing else that week...or the week after...or the week after (sensing a pattern here?). I finally called my county placement lady (who is very nice, courteous, responsive, and professional) who found out the child had been placed with a sibling. I am frustrated. *sigh*

-I got a call in September for a 2 year old pre-adoptive placement. They didn't end up removing him from his kinship placement (kinship is a family member or family friend the child is placed with).  I was disappointed, but not too much because the child didn't have to be traumatized by being removed from the only family he has known since he was an infant.

-I got a call 2 weeks later for the same 2 year old. The placement worker told me that the kinship home gave them the name of another relative who they did NOT expect to pass the background check. Well, the relative passed the check and the child was placed with them. This time I was disappointed. And frustrated that I allowed myself to get my hopes...again.

-I got a call for a 2 week old in October. I said yes! They called back and said no. A relative had been located.

-And since October, the silence from DYFS has been deafening (n.o. calls). THIS is frustrating.

The lack of placements has to do with the county I am in. There are just not many removals here, which is a good thing. But in counties that border mine, there are 3 and 4 times as many removals. My son was a out-of-county placement. They don't do much out-of-county placements anymore. I wish they would place out-of-county. The resource homes in counties bordering mine are packed. And I am sitting empty. Its a shame. I want to foster children who need a safe place to stay. I want to adopt from foster care. I accept almost every placement call I get. But it is just not working out. And that is disappointing. And very, very frustrating.

So, I need to move on with finding other avenues for adding to my little family (and yes, I know that fostering does not automatically lead to adoption. I fully support reunification with families of origin; however, fost/adopt situation DO happen in the world of foster care; I would be happy with any placements, whether it be short term, long term, or pre-adoptive!). I am not ready to give up (yet) on fostering, but I need to explore other options.  I will start this exploration by having a private home study done.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Some background: Moo

I have always wanted to adopt. I tried to convince my parents to adopt when I was a teenager (they didn't cooperate, though!).
I told myself that if I was still single when I was 35 that I would start the process to adopt. Well, 35 rolled around and I was still single. But, adoption is expensive and I didn't know if I could afford it. Then,  I met someone who adopted through foster care. She have me the name of her agency and in May of 2007 I called them. I had all my paperwork filled out by August and started training in September. By December I was officially a licensed foster parent!
I got my first placement call right before Christmas. I said yes, but DYFS said no because I lived too far from the placing county and the baby still had visits with her mom. I offered to transport the baby to her visits, but it was a no go. I received my second call about a month later: a 2 year old. Unfortunately, I couldn't take her because I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment and licensing rules stated only babies under 2 could be in the same room as an adult. Then came the call for my Moo.
It was February of 2008...around 11 am. I was at lunch (I am a teacher, all my friends at work knew I was waiting for a call, and many of them were there when I got THE CALL). It was magical when I got the call. A 10 day old baby boy, fost-adopt situation, no visitations yet ordered by the judge. My colleagues were ecstatic!!! And so was I, although I was initially wary because of my previous calls and non-placements. When DYFS called again asking if I wanted the initial clothing check I knew this was actually going to happen!!! They said the baby would arrive by 3 pm. Yikes!!! I had nothing for a newborn. I left work early to pick up the essentials (although my head was spinning so much that I didn't get all I needed; but, some good friends were thinking clearly and brought over extra clothing that night). Of course, DYFS being DYFS and having their own timetable, the baby didn't arrive until 6:30. I was on pins and needles thinking he wasn't going to come.
Around 6:30 that night a tiny baby boy was brought to my doorstep. He came with only the clothes he was wearing and some bottles from the hospital that he had just been discharged from. He still had all his little hospital bracelets on! Once inside, he started screaming his little head off. The workers, having no paci for him, had stuffed the nipple of a baby bottle with some paper to make a make-shift pacifier. He was having nothing of that pacifier. Thankfully, I had picked up a newborn paci and after giving it to him he calmed down. Then, the workers and I sat down (little Moo safely in my arms) and we signed some paperwork. Then they left. And I was alone with my (yet unknown to me) future son.
I sat in the rocker and studied his beautiful little face. He studied me right back. Then I read him the book Guess How Much I Love You (because, well, I am a teacher and OF COURSE I was going to read to this little baby). These moments are forever ingrained in my memory. He has the most amazingly expressive eyes. I could see a sense of peace in his eyes while I rocked him that night. It is so amazing that such a small infant can sense safety; yet, he did. He, from that moment forth, became my life.
There is so much more to the story, but that is enough for now. More to come...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Introduction

So, this is my little blog about our journey to add a little member to our little family!

A friend (thanks, P!) suggested the name "Borrowed Treasures" for this blog because our children really belong to God. He entrusts them to us to raise, but we are really only borrowing them for awhile. I love this name, and the meaning behind it!

I will chronicle the journey of our next adoption. I am so excited, Moo (my son and NOT his true name) is so excited, and my family thinks I am just a little crazy, lol! I hope they will become more excited, though, as things progress and the journey comes to a conclusion with the placement of a wee one (or ones) who will complete my family.

Welcome! I hope you enjoy sharing our journey.