Friday, February 22, 2013

The Baby That Almost Was (in My House)

So, on Tuesday I found out about a newborn in my county needing placement. My name was "out there" as interested in the newborn (who was in the hospital, dealing with issues related to his "birth history".) It was by no means a sure thing, but the opportunity for an infant needing a placement was there. And that is something. So, of course, I got my hopes up. I let myself dream. I researched what I expected his special needs to be. I prayed...oh, did I pray. I even saved on Amazon a special swing I though would be good for what I thought his particular needs would be. I considered the time I might take off from work, and how I would afford this (my tax rebate supplementing the loss in my salary, etc.).  My Moo is already primed for taking in a foster baby or little one, because its a line of dialogue I keep open with him, and he knows we are working on a possible adoption (although he knows an adoption will not happen until he starts kindergarten, at least) . He even asked me today, when I was taking him to daycare, if his baby would come to school with him (this was completely on his own accord, because I did not mention this possible opportunity to him). I love my Moo's heart. He wants a little one too! Actually, he has told me he would like a "brown" baby boy and a "red" (he calls my skin complexion red) little girl. That will be a tall order to fill!!!

But, I found out today the baby was placed with another family. And, again, I am disappointed. I was pretty bummed for several hours after I found out. Then, I found a place for my disappointment. This baby wasn't meant for us. There is another child out there that is meant for us.

And, I did not actually get a call for this baby. So, the "3rd call is a charm for 2013" is still open. Who knows what will happen next week, or the week after that, or the month after that! We don't even have our home study completed yet, and our search for an adoptive placement through this avenue hasn't even begun.

A newborn would have been very nice, though. Sigh.

Monday, February 18, 2013

1st Home Study Visit

I had my first home study visit today! It went okay. Actually, it was a bit anti-climatic and I feel let down now that it is over. I found out their network program isn't exactly what I am looking for, but there is still another person I need to talk to that will give me more information, so its not time to be disappointed yet.

The route I am going, there are a lot of unknowns. I will need to do a lot of networking and a lot of the leg work. I WILL eventually end up with a child, but its not like a typical agency adoption. When you go through an agency, you can request a specific age and even gender, and pretty much know that this is what you will get. My route, though, is MUCH less certain. My dream has always been to adopt internationally, but this is so far out of my reach financially. I feel strongly about adopting domestically, though. I know there are children in the US, especially special needs children, who need loving homes just as much as kids abroad do. And, I know God has our child picked out for us and His timing is perfect. I keep reminding myself that if I had stuck with international adoption I would not have my precious Moo!

 I just wish there weren't so many unknowns with my adoption route! It is what I feel God is leading me to pursue, though, and I have to place my trust in Him. I feel so strongly that am I meant to adopt a child with some special needs from the US.

And so begin the roller coaster ride that is adoption. There are so many highs and lows!

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Another Call!

I got another call yesterday...but I feel like the hands of fate just do not want me to get a placement right now. Last time they called I was out of town. Yesterday when they called I missed the call because I was resting with my sick child. Oh, well. Moo is pretty sick and this made it not such a good day to take a new placement. Maybe the third call of 2013 will work out.

People in the fostering world say when a placement doesn't work out that there is a reason for it. Maybe there is a special child out there just for us and these no-go placements just weren't for us. Maybe we are meant to go the adoption route and not foster. Who knows. I keep reminding myself that God's timing is perfect.



A sick Moo being cuddled by our dog Cooper.

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Home Study Scheduled!

I got a call yesterday from my home study agency. The social worker assigned to me will come out next Saturday for the first of 3 visits! Let the house cleaning commence. She called to schedule the visit on Moo's Gotcha Day, which is a good omen in my book.


Here is a cute picture of Moo. He fell asleep while looking out the window, waiting for the UPS truck to come with his Gotcha Day gift. So cute!



Tuesday, February 5, 2013

5 Years Ago Today...

5 years ago today I got the most amazing phone call of my life. A 10 day old baby was unable to leave the hospital with his first parents...they asked if I was able to take him into my home to love and care for him.  Ohmygoodness Ohmygoodness Ohmygoodness "Oh! Yes!". 7 hours later I met my little man for the first time. In the adoption world, this is know as a "Gotcha Day". This day is usually joyful...but I am always mindful that one of the the happiest days of my life was a very sad day for my son's first parents.


This is a picture of the evening sky the day that my Moo came to me. I love this picture. Silly me did not have a camera the day he came, so this is the only picture I have of this incredibly special day. A good friend took it for me and framed it as a very special gift (thanks L!).

One of my earliest pictures of Moo...just look at that beautiful little face!!! He is 13 days old here.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Oh....The Adoption Fees

I know that there are more children out there for our family. Some may be temporary (as in foster) and some will be permanent (as in adoptive). I know for sure that Moo is not my only child. There is another child out there for us, for my little family. That is why I am not willing to stay with foster-adopt as the primary way of building my family. It just isn't happening this way. So, I will move on. But this moving on means private adoption, which means adoption fees.

And...well, the adoption fees. I can just hear people "how is she going to pay for a private adoption?!?!" Heck, I am saying that myself! But, where there is a will there is a way. I have not come this far in my life letting obstacles stand in the way of what I want to accomplish.

So, I will raise the fees.  I am going to begin my adoption fundraising by selling crafts. Moo and I have already begun work on some of the crafts (his little hand prints and fingerprints and my print work). I am also painting seasonal plaques and slates. I work for a few hours each night on my creations. It is time consuming, but my strong desire to grow my little family, become a parent to another precious child, and give my son a sibling is all the motivation I need. I know this will not raise all the money to cover the fees, so if anyone has any other fundraising ideas they want to throw out there, feel free. We could use all the help we can get!

 Here is Moo helping me...those are trivets/wall tiles we are working on. I will print a scripture verse on them (Matthew 18:5).

I will link a PayPal account to this blog and hopefully figure out how to take orders for some of my crafts on-line. I have only been working for 3 weeks and I have about $500 in crafts completed. If I keep working on this through the summer and do several craft shows in the fall, plus sell some things through this blog, I might be able to raise some decent money ((fingers and toes crossed!!!))

My plan is to get the home study done and apply to that no-upfront fee special needs infant program I mentioned previously. I will also send my home study to DYFS' adoption operations unit. I will then take 12 months to raise some funds. After 12 months, I will begin the network program through my home study agency for an older child/special needs infant. I don't want to over-extend myself financially and I think this is the smart way to go about this adoption. The network program estimated their fees between $6000-20,000. Obviously I would not be able to afford the upper limit of that fee range (unless I craft 24/7 from now until 2050, haha). But, you never know what events will transpire between now and next year. Hey, I could win the lottery!

Adoption fees are so high! Many people in the adoption world refer to these fees as "ransoms". This term is used more with international adoptions, where children are institutionalized in poor orphanages. The agencies I am looking at are all non-profit and I am interested in special needs adoptions. The fees to adoption a healthy newborn average around $30,000. It can get crazy expensive.



Saturday, February 2, 2013

I Got a Call!

The deafening silence from DYFS has been broken. I got a call!

But, of course they called on a day I was out of town. I NEVER go out of town. That weekend was a rarity- I was taking my son to Great Wolf Lodge for his birthday. There is no way I could back out of the trip...my son was so excited I thought he might just self-combust. I told the placement facilitator that I could take them, but not until the following Monday. She (placement facilitator) said she would speak to her supervisor about it. But, I didn't get another call on Monday, so I guess the kids needed a placement sooner rather than later.

Oh, well. It wasn't meant to be. Sigh.

Friday, February 1, 2013

Home Study BEGUN!

So, I bit the bullet and started the process for a private home study. Part of me feels like I am giving up on a dream (adopting again from foster care), but I came to the conclusion, after much thought, that it does not really matter how my next child comes to me (through fost/adopt vs. private adoption). God sent me Moo from a very small hospital in Newark, NJ, through the mass of red tape that is DYFS, to my little apartment in Morris county. God will send my next child to us, too. He already has our little one all picked out. God's timing is perfect (as I keep having to remind myself, ad nauseum!). It is a bit costly to get a private home study done...but, its time to move forward with getting us a new little one! And, I am not closing my home to fostering, so who knows what may happen!

I have decided on an agency to complete the home study and received the forms. I filled out preliminary paperwork and asked people to be references for me (the references have to be notarized- that was surprising to me!). My physician has signed off on me being an adoptive parent again (this was not a given, by the way. The 1st time I went in with the paperwork, my blood pressure was checked because I have hypertension- which I am medicated for- and it was very high. I went back the following Monday and it was fine and the doc happily signed the paperwork. Phew!). I have been in contact again with the agency and just need to send the application fee in and I will be assigned a caseworker to complete the home study. This may be the beginning of the process that ends with a new little one for my family! Wow!

The agency I picked has a network program, where you pay a fee for 15 "matches". These matches are from other agencies or adoption lawyers and the adoption fee would vary according to who is placing the child (between $6500 and $20,000- I will write more about the fee issue later). The children placed through this program are older children or special needs infants (my preference for adoption). I will also put my home study in at a special needs infant adoption program. This programs does not charge a fee to accept your home study.  I have had my eye on this program for years, but have not applied to it because DYFS has my home study and they won't release it. You are not guaranteed a placement with this program, but as the saying goes, "you gotta be in it to win it!". Also, I just found out I can give my privately done adoption profile to Adoption Operations in Trenton (the state adoption unit). This is great news for me- maybe I don't have to give up on my dream of adopting a foster child. This would also make me eligible to be placed with a Safe Haven infant.

Most of the time, when you go with a private adoption agency, you are required to be exclusive with this agency. The route I am going, though, allows me to pursue several different option simultaneously. Oh, I wonder how this is all going to end!



Thursday, January 31, 2013

Frustrations in Fostering

So, I have been a foster parent since December, 2007. I am open to emergency placements, short and long term placements, and pre-adoptive placements. I am open to any race, a multitude of health issues, and either gender. When I started out I was with a private agency that was licensed through DYFS; they facilitated placements for DYFS. I had 3 calls within my first 2 months of being a licensed foster parent. This agency was the go-to contact for a county placement facilitator who dealt with many children needing out-of-home (foster) placements. Unfortunately, my private agency changed their contract with DYFS and now only deals with training and licensing; no more placements. I was transferred to my county DYFS office.

In the four years since then, I have only had 9 calls for placements. Yes, you read that correctly- NINE calls. And 3 placements. That is less than 1 placement a year. The state paid to train and license me as a foster parent and pays each year to re-license me and they have only called me 9 times in 4 years. I have only said no to 2 of the calls (a 13 years old and a 7 year old with a history of sexual abuse). I have had 3 placements (a 10 month old, a 2 year old, and a 2 and 3.5 year old). The rest of the children I was called about were placed with relatives after I said yes to the placement facilitator. I guess they line up resource homes in case they can't find relatives to take the kids. Both my resource worker (the person from DYFS who manages foster parents) and my county's placement facilitator have told me I am a good home and provide excellent care (I really do!), so I don't think my lack of placements is due to any blacklisting.

I am soooooo frustrated with fostering lately! Here are some of my frustrations:

- My darn resource worker will NOT call me back and refuses to update my home study. I have been asking since May to have my home study updated and sent to Adoption Operations (the state adoption unit) in Trenton. My resource worker won't do it. I don't understand why she won't do it. She has told me 3 times, "I will come out at the end of the week to see you so I can update it". She doesn't come! This has been going on for 8 months now. I should call and complain, but she is very nice and I don't want to get her in any trouble.  I am frustrated...

-I got a call in June for a 3 year girl who needed a pre-adoptive placement. I said yes! I was so excited. I heard nothing else that week...or the week after...or the week after (sensing a pattern here?). I finally called my county placement lady (who is very nice, courteous, responsive, and professional) who found out the child had been placed with a sibling. I am frustrated. *sigh*

-I got a call in September for a 2 year old pre-adoptive placement. They didn't end up removing him from his kinship placement (kinship is a family member or family friend the child is placed with).  I was disappointed, but not too much because the child didn't have to be traumatized by being removed from the only family he has known since he was an infant.

-I got a call 2 weeks later for the same 2 year old. The placement worker told me that the kinship home gave them the name of another relative who they did NOT expect to pass the background check. Well, the relative passed the check and the child was placed with them. This time I was disappointed. And frustrated that I allowed myself to get my hopes...again.

-I got a call for a 2 week old in October. I said yes! They called back and said no. A relative had been located.

-And since October, the silence from DYFS has been deafening (n.o. calls). THIS is frustrating.

The lack of placements has to do with the county I am in. There are just not many removals here, which is a good thing. But in counties that border mine, there are 3 and 4 times as many removals. My son was a out-of-county placement. They don't do much out-of-county placements anymore. I wish they would place out-of-county. The resource homes in counties bordering mine are packed. And I am sitting empty. Its a shame. I want to foster children who need a safe place to stay. I want to adopt from foster care. I accept almost every placement call I get. But it is just not working out. And that is disappointing. And very, very frustrating.

So, I need to move on with finding other avenues for adding to my little family (and yes, I know that fostering does not automatically lead to adoption. I fully support reunification with families of origin; however, fost/adopt situation DO happen in the world of foster care; I would be happy with any placements, whether it be short term, long term, or pre-adoptive!). I am not ready to give up (yet) on fostering, but I need to explore other options.  I will start this exploration by having a private home study done.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Some background: Moo

I have always wanted to adopt. I tried to convince my parents to adopt when I was a teenager (they didn't cooperate, though!).
I told myself that if I was still single when I was 35 that I would start the process to adopt. Well, 35 rolled around and I was still single. But, adoption is expensive and I didn't know if I could afford it. Then,  I met someone who adopted through foster care. She have me the name of her agency and in May of 2007 I called them. I had all my paperwork filled out by August and started training in September. By December I was officially a licensed foster parent!
I got my first placement call right before Christmas. I said yes, but DYFS said no because I lived too far from the placing county and the baby still had visits with her mom. I offered to transport the baby to her visits, but it was a no go. I received my second call about a month later: a 2 year old. Unfortunately, I couldn't take her because I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment and licensing rules stated only babies under 2 could be in the same room as an adult. Then came the call for my Moo.
It was February of 2008...around 11 am. I was at lunch (I am a teacher, all my friends at work knew I was waiting for a call, and many of them were there when I got THE CALL). It was magical when I got the call. A 10 day old baby boy, fost-adopt situation, no visitations yet ordered by the judge. My colleagues were ecstatic!!! And so was I, although I was initially wary because of my previous calls and non-placements. When DYFS called again asking if I wanted the initial clothing check I knew this was actually going to happen!!! They said the baby would arrive by 3 pm. Yikes!!! I had nothing for a newborn. I left work early to pick up the essentials (although my head was spinning so much that I didn't get all I needed; but, some good friends were thinking clearly and brought over extra clothing that night). Of course, DYFS being DYFS and having their own timetable, the baby didn't arrive until 6:30. I was on pins and needles thinking he wasn't going to come.
Around 6:30 that night a tiny baby boy was brought to my doorstep. He came with only the clothes he was wearing and some bottles from the hospital that he had just been discharged from. He still had all his little hospital bracelets on! Once inside, he started screaming his little head off. The workers, having no paci for him, had stuffed the nipple of a baby bottle with some paper to make a make-shift pacifier. He was having nothing of that pacifier. Thankfully, I had picked up a newborn paci and after giving it to him he calmed down. Then, the workers and I sat down (little Moo safely in my arms) and we signed some paperwork. Then they left. And I was alone with my (yet unknown to me) future son.
I sat in the rocker and studied his beautiful little face. He studied me right back. Then I read him the book Guess How Much I Love You (because, well, I am a teacher and OF COURSE I was going to read to this little baby). These moments are forever ingrained in my memory. He has the most amazingly expressive eyes. I could see a sense of peace in his eyes while I rocked him that night. It is so amazing that such a small infant can sense safety; yet, he did. He, from that moment forth, became my life.
There is so much more to the story, but that is enough for now. More to come...

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Introduction

So, this is my little blog about our journey to add a little member to our little family!

A friend (thanks, P!) suggested the name "Borrowed Treasures" for this blog because our children really belong to God. He entrusts them to us to raise, but we are really only borrowing them for awhile. I love this name, and the meaning behind it!

I will chronicle the journey of our next adoption. I am so excited, Moo (my son and NOT his true name) is so excited, and my family thinks I am just a little crazy, lol! I hope they will become more excited, though, as things progress and the journey comes to a conclusion with the placement of a wee one (or ones) who will complete my family.

Welcome! I hope you enjoy sharing our journey.